Football Focus Pillows

A footballer is having an eye test.

"You think you can? Think again, mister. You know you can. Got that?"

Scottish Football Fan - "...and please Lord, let the result be against the run of play."

I like the Jets...I guess

Football Fans

"Hey, I'm thirsty. I need a drink. A drink and a liverwurst sandwich. Hey, how about a sandwich and a beer down at Gallagher's, then we can go shoot some pool? Or maybe take in a movie. Hey, I'm talking to you."

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

Bowled over again!

Church for sports worshipers.

'Just how big of a tailgate party are you expecting to have?'

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

'Sure beats your cupping your ear!'

'No, I'm not stranded. This is the only place I could find that has no distractions.'

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

"Do you do temporary ones that last about two weeks?"

Punt Cake

'Frank built it himself. The last football will fall through the hourglass 10 seconds before the Super Bowl starts.'

'Another football scholarship offer?'

The trauma of losing.

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

'Will you lot come out! - the new kit's not that bad!'

Football Chameleon

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

If nobody had invented graphics

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

'OK, everybody, calm down,,,'

The Brothers Grime

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

An 'out of this-world' soccor player stops the penalty his way!