Football Enthusiast's Partner Pillows

Lady in card shop at 'Condolences' aisle sees category for 'Football Widows'

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

If nobody had invented graphics

Punt Cake

"Do you do temporary ones that last about two weeks?"

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

Bears

Football

'Did you want to bring on a sub'

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

"I'm not using my jumper as a goalpost, sir, I'm using it as a jumper."

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

Big screen TV.

'And at what stage did you realise the ball you were heading was on the TV?'

'Let's throw ball. Running game not working.'

United Football Club: In, Out, VAR.

"All of a dither as per usual!"

"Next time you score show a little respect and don't spike uncle Frank so hard."

'I told him if he didn't get here quick he'd miss out on all the beer and food.'

'Oi, nobody gives me a kiss.'

"This crucial pre-game drill keeps you focused and eliminates distractions!"

Beer Order

'I've never seen so many strikers in one team before.'

'I reckon we need a new sweeper.'