Football Fanatic Friend Pillows

"It's just that they usually ask for their ASHES to be scattered!"

I like the Jets...I guess

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

If nobody had invented graphics

"Do you do temporary ones that last about two weeks?"

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

Football

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

'Did you want to bring on a sub'

"I'm not using my jumper as a goalpost, sir, I'm using it as a jumper."

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

You were warned about mixed marriages.

Big screen TV.

'And at what stage did you realise the ball you were heading was on the TV?'

'Let's throw ball. Running game not working.'

"All of a dither as per usual!"

'I told him if he didn't get here quick he'd miss out on all the beer and food.'

"Next time you score show a little respect and don't spike uncle Frank so hard."

The Other Cooperstown

United Football Club: In, Out, VAR.

'Oi, nobody gives me a kiss.'

"This crucial pre-game drill keeps you focused and eliminates distractions!"

Beer Order

'I've never seen so many strikers in one team before.'

'I reckon we need a new sweeper.'