Foodie With High Standards T-Shirts

'This food is revolting. And such small portions.'

I don't think your heart's in the hospitality game.

'I think I'll just leave a hate tip,'

"The jelly required a soupçon more texture on the custard was on the wrong side of sweet."

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

Domestic Goddess.

"If you're tired of stegosaur, go kill something else."

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

One Man's Meat is Another Man's Poetry

Kung food restaurant (Waiter flies through the air bringing the food).

"That's it. We’re toast."

'Before I order breakfast, which way is it to the 'International Bathroom of Pancakes'?'

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

'So tell me why you think you're suffering from seasonal ineffective disorder.'

"Everything tastes better when it's cooked on the grill."

'I've already been recruited by one of the top fast-food chains in the country!'

"The spoon, he ran away with the goddam spoon."

-'but for a full English breakfast you can't beat Blackpool,sir.'

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

Always empty your fridge before starting a diet.

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."

How about going easy on the carbs

'A wheel? No wonder I broke a tooth. I thought it was a donut.'

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."

Famous Jewish Blues Singer Series.

"...But ASIDE from that, how was your trip to France?"

Devil's food cake/Angel's food cake. Delivery mix-up.

Advocado

'I'll have the bacon and hay wrap.'

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

Flying sauces.