Foodie Schemer T-Shirts

'Do not answer the door bell until I say so. . . if the pizza guy doesn't deliver our order in 15 minutes, we get our pizza for free.'

"Behold! As I transform this family size frozen lasagna into a meal for one."

"O.K., one last big rhubarb score. But then I'm out of the pie game for good."

"We gotta find a way to increase our Halloween candy."

'You can't call it a miracle drug just because you added miracle whip!'

"I'm in big trouble. The dog ate my homework, and Dad ate my science project."

'If Darwin had been the cook on the Beagle' 'Menu- its Evolution'.

At the Periodic Picnic Table of the Elements

"Management would like you to keep in mind that the latest research indicates that everything on our 'Healthy Menu' is now unhealthy."

"One is a sham bag for my parents to confiscate."

'Chefs, the secret ingredient for tonight's competition is - wing of bat!'

"Who remembers when food wasn't genetically modified?"

Old man stealing sand from a sand box for child

Cheesemaker

'You said we can grow our own food. So, where's the hot dog seeds.'

'Common cold? We thought you said 'caramel corn!''

RAP SCALLION, 'Don't call me no ONION, that ain't my name, I'm BETTA than an onion, but I got no FAME, put me on yo' SAN'wich, put me in yo' SOUP....'

'There's no money in comic strips.'

A trap for Santa

"May I have your attention? For Christmas, all I want is for everyone to write a note on how smart, charming and social I am. I'm collecting college reference letters before I enter my terrible teens."

"On the contrary, the way to a man's heart is through the superior vena cava."

Little Jimmy Harmon: first to amplify the sparerib

"He usually doesn't see anybody without an appointment, but since you brought pizza ..."

Bob devises the ultimate weight-loss system.

"If I do that to my own Barbie, imagine what might happen to a tattle-tale."

"Are there any security cameras in the basement?"

'Here's our strategy...for your last meal order all-you-can-eat and eat it VERY SLOWLY!'

"Keep an eye on that Santa...I think he might be a damned headhunter!"

'I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it's more of a wrap.'

A road side billboard advertises: 'bus drivers eat-free' a man is seen rigging a false panel that looks like a bus to his caravan.

'I've got threepence'

'Your teacher called and said the school concert tickets you sold me for $20 were free.'

Fast food dreams of being gourmet feast.