Foodie Fiction Fan T-Shirts

"One B.L.T., one cherry pie, and one bowl of chili with crackers on the side!"

"Stephen and I are today's special."

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

'Now that's what I call a kebab... a skewer with whole pies!'

Benihana style of cooking.

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

Kitchen Kapers

"I thought there would be bacon here."

"This is our soft opening."

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Important Food Groups

The Streets - Night

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

"Great job of acting! You really appeared excited about Aunt May's 'famous' green bean casserole."

Burnt or Raw?

Would you be willing to sign something regarding the fat content of your burger? Like what? My colon.

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

'Hard to follow...'

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

"Bill just does celebrity cook-books these days, that's where the real money is."

"Geoffrey's seasonal. I'm regional."

North Fork, the town too tough to diet.

"As you can guess, Rico is my role model."

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

Never write a sonnet on an empty stomach

"Can you reinvent the classic grilled cheese for me?"

"The fish - will it be the market price at the time of ordering, the time of eating or the time of paying?"

Avocado Timeline

Will work for Food Network.

"More croutons, sir?"

Tomorrow we'll cheer the fourth of July! Picnics with families mean hot dogs to buy! Flags will be waving so proudly up high! And fireworks displays will light the night sky which Frank will miss due to way too much pie! Pie Eating Contest!

"How did I find my lamb chop? Well, I lifted up a roast potato and there it was."

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways … Open Mike Night Presents Sadie Cohen. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my ladle can reach … When feeling hungry for the crunch of crouton and ideal lettuce. I love thee to the level of every day's most quiet need ... by cheesy bread and chicken wing. I love thee freely, as men strive for right. I eat of thee freely, and then, at four, 'tis goodnight. O Sizzler salad bar, how do I love thee? I'm hungry.