Foodie Fable Fan T-Shirts

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

'Now that's what I call a kebab... a skewer with whole pies!'

"Eat my dust!"

'I don't care what the Hares have. Dial-Up is good enough for us!'

"This is our soft opening."

Benihana style of cooking.

"I thought there would be bacon here."

Kitchen Kapers

Important Food Groups

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

The Streets - Night

Burnt or Raw?

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

"Is the garbage fresh?"

'The next case Your Honor, is a palimony suit. The ant vs the grasshopper.'

"Can you reinvent the classic grilled cheese for me?"

"As you can guess, Rico is my role model."

North Fork, the town too tough to diet.

Will work for Food Network.

'Have you tried a licensed health practicioner?'

Vegetables VS Junk Food.

Drug Testing Unit: 'Uh Oh!'

"How did I find my lamb chop? Well, I lifted up a roast potato and there it was."

"More croutons, sir?"

'Thanks to the internet, I can telecommute a few days a week now: I don't need to waste so much time travelling...'

Chef's Specials - Hissy Fits, Shouting and Swearing, Pompus Indigestion.

'Would you like that organic, locally grown, carbon neutral, fair trade, trans fat-free, sugar-free, gluten-free and peanut-free?'