Food Safety Fanatic Gifts

"Even more dangerous than crossing the road is being undercooked."

"I just finished my on-line food safety course!"

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

Remember when I wanted to talk risk management, but all you wanted to talk was video games.

A genetically-modified,hydroponically-grown tomato conducts a taste-test of its own.

Health and safety at work.

'The health department will be here any minute. Get rid of all the salmonella back there.'

'The Health and Safety guy doesn't look very happy...I hope we're not gonig to fail the inspection.'

'We're really sorry!'

"It's past its sell-by, best-by and use-by dates, but its kills-by date is still good."

'Waiter! There's a hipster beard in my chicken and quinoa soup.'

"Nice try, Mr. Gibbs, but Salmonella is not a player with the N.Y. Yankees."

"Waiter... This roast chicken. Can I see it's death certificate please?"

"Why buy irradiated food? It'll all get re-contaminated back here anyway."

"We can serve a rare handburger, but because of health regulations, this room will have to be heated to 160 degrees."

"These eggs are well past their sell-by date!"

Hygiene in food processing

"There may be a long delay. The chef has been on the toilet all afternoon with his crispy duck."

"You realize you're eating pure cyanide, right?"

Bookie near racing card, all of the runners are named after processed beef products.

'Can you guarantee that your horse meat burgers have no beef in them..?'

'In a four-star restaurant, one's hat does not fall into the cassoulet de castenaudary. But if ones hat does fall into the cassoulet de castelnaudary, one does not put it back on one's head.'

"It's only the Ericksons, so why don't you just use the recalled hamburger meat."

'Hang on a second fellas, that mayonnaise has been in the hot sun for quite a while now.'

"Think that carrion is ready to eat?"

'Looks like mice wave been at this cake. Impossible, the cat slept on it all night.'

'I won the hide and seek game: I was hiding really still in a plate full of rice...'

'I'll have whatever you serve the health inspector.'

'We've had our starter and to follow we'd like to order an ambulance!'

'Waiter, there's a hairball in my soup, too.'

'Health tests prove none of our salmonella is drug-resistant.'

Diner to cook: 'Now, I'm not complaining, but why is there a flea collar on my chili dog?'

'Get back...the bag of nuts may contain nuts!'

"It was a revelation. What I thought was salmonella was really E.coli, and what I though was E.coli was really salmonella."

'Do currants have wings?' - 'You've just swallowed a fly.'