Food Pyramid Explorer T-Shirts

"His idea of exercise is climbing the food pyramid."

"Behold! As I transform this family size frozen lasagna into a meal for one."

"You don't throw them back if they're too small!"

Nothing like traveling hundreds of miles to immerse yourself in art for the sole purpose of killing time between meals.

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

See you at the farmers market!

"From right to left, you have your tekkamaki, your futomaki, and then your yamaimo roll. The little pile of pink stuff is ginger, the green one's wasabi. And, of course, you already recognize your vodka martini."

'Is this still America?'

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

'How was your holiday?' - 'Fantastic! Great weather! Great food! No illness!' - 'So, back to work tomorrow, then?' - 'Yeah, I guess so.' - 'Lousy, germ free holiday.'

"Hey, …. what's not to like?"

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

"Oh, Oh, Oooohh!"

"Perhaps you wouln't have declared so many places 'worth a detour' if you'd held the map right way up!"

"Who shaves the fennel in your family?"

Vegan Restaurant: ''amburgers! Sausages! RISSOLES!'

Attack of the 'health' foods

"I can deal with the conceptual art and electronic music, but what are these hors d'oeuvres supposed to be."

This is great, Ernie, there's a pennant race and the ballpark is packed every day! The food selection here is unmatched anywhere! Today I've already had nachos, a bit of hot dog and some ice cream! Coming here always makes me queasy! Oh, the foods too much for you? No, I just get nervous in a place where the term "sacrifice fly" is used!

Pastrami in the wild

"Young man, the world is your oyster, but for God�s sake avoid peanuts, soy, milk, eggs, wheat, fish, tree nuts, and chocolate."

Italian Style Fish 'n' Chips

Journey of a sandwich through the digestive system.

'It's the LAST time I volunteer to organise the staff Christmas meal, I've spent three days trying to find a 'traditional' lacto-vegan Christmas menu.'

Nutritional Supplements.

'Sorry Sir, you've had enough,'

You have no experience eating lobster? Before I spend time showing you how, do you have experience tipping?

"Just because we're hyenas doesn't mean we always have to get Laughing Cow cheese."

"As you can see, my culinary creations are eclectic."

"You know they're trying too hard when the chef's special is Corn Dogs Bordelaise."

'What the devil is that?

'Use by June 2007. Gah' - 'Use by July 2007. Double gah.' - 'Best of a bad bunch...'