Food Puns Pillows

A man bar-b-queing pantless says 'Get yer buns ready!'

Vocal Fry

'Shuck me.'

"Most women I meet can't stand me. I've been thinking of having my lactose removed."

"If you change a couple numbers on you expiration date, you'll be old enough to buy us beer."

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"States of tofu"

Wife: 'Ah, honey.....why are you covered in raw fish and rice?' Husband: 'Oh I was running late for the 6:15 and got on a darn sush train by mistake!'

"‘Extra vile old ox’? No, sir – it stands for ‘extra virgin olive oil.’"

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"5 chocolate brownies, 3 banana muffins, 4 caramel cookies and one cappuccino - skinny."

How to Deal With Leftover Turkey

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

"Charles didn't like tofu."

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

Slices of bread rescuing burnt toast.

Deliboys

"Dare I ask for mustard?"

"My guess it's guacamole."

"Dad fixed you a balanced breakfast - the runny eggs are balanced with burnt toast!"

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

Sisyphus Sawyer

"Beans, Them Beans, Them Beans, Beans, Beans..."

"I'll have the vegetable lasagne, hold the vegetables."

'Well you asked for Al dente.'

"This IS a chicken fried steak!"

'All right, so you've prepared your resignation . . . let me have it!'

"Damn! Someone just asked for chicken drumsticks."

"The chef made some substitutions to tonight's menu. Instead of Escarots a la Bourguignonne, he's cooking hot dogs."

"It said on the packet the pasta should act as a vehicle for the sauce."

"A little lamb please."

"It's choux pastry, not shoe pastry!"

Val and Les could see a fork in the road but they weren't expecting a dip.