Food Mockery Enthusiast Pillows

'The usual dregs, slops and yesterday's left-overs,please Mary!'

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"States of tofu"

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"5 chocolate brownies, 3 banana muffins, 4 caramel cookies and one cappuccino - skinny."

Filet minion

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

Bangers and Mash

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

How to Deal With Leftover Turkey

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

Lockdown casserole

"Charles didn't like tofu."

Slices of bread rescuing burnt toast.

Fly Tastings: 'Notice that hint of dog fur and then let that full bodied garbage finish unfold.'

Better Not Squash.

Deliboys

"Dare I ask for mustard?"

"My guess it's guacamole."

Where 'Turkey Bacon" Comes From

"Dad fixed you a balanced breakfast - the runny eggs are balanced with burnt toast!"

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

Sisyphus Sawyer

"I'll have the vegetable lasagne, hold the vegetables."

'Well you asked for Al dente.'

"And your baskets include dead crickets, old socks, mice guts and toilet water."

"The chef made some substitutions to tonight's menu. Instead of Escarots a la Bourguignonne, he's cooking hot dogs."

"It's choux pastry, not shoe pastry!"

"I'm not trying to freak you out, but your eel roll is moving."

"Here's the pub-grub you ordered"

Murderous Chef

Stay at home food pyramid

'Good news - we're merging with Mellman's Jelly and Alpine Toast.'

'It's beans OR toast, not beans ON toast.'