Food Hacker Gifts

'Ellen didn't complain when we cut lunch to 15 minutes. She just replaced her office plants with lettuce.'

Weird things I do because of the internet

Gadget geek.

'It must be a problem of interpretation. I've read this book DOZENS of times, and I keep winding up here!'

Giving Things Up For Lent.

"The most obvious side-effect of having a chip implanted in my brain is a constant craving for onion dip."

'Well, look who has stock in Genomes-R-Us.'

'Where you went wrong' Desk.

"I bought you a cook book. Think of it as technical support."

'It's amazing what they can do with amino acids these days.'

'Life if so much simpler since we called Family Ref.'

"I love these fitness bracelets! it's like having a tamagotchi, but the tamagotchi is you."

"I'm not eating a TV dinner. Now it's called 'Computer Cuisine.'"

'No thanks, I couldn't download another byte.'

"A hacker logged into my fitness tracker and stole my steps!"

"He downloaded one of those apps that helps you quit smoking."

"Mom, vegetables may help me grow and give me energy, but what if I want to be short and underachieving?"

'I can't make dinner right now - I'm installing new software.'

"First, finish that genetically modified asparagus. Then you can have ice cream full of bovine growth hormone."

"He bought a thermometer for me, and I'm not even sick."

STRIP Hambone: "System been down long?"

Secrets of Adulthood.

Finally, I found a good use for that leak.

"Well, last year I kicked gambling. . . the odds are 3 to 1 the New Year will be a good one."

'Don't ask questions, Margaret -- Just get Bill Gates on the phone!'

"Our specials can also be accessed at www.todaysspecials.com."

'Now you can surf and turf.'

Smoking Cessation Clinic - Formerly The Pub.

Addiction Research Centre.

"Unbelievable! Even Internet cookies made me gain weight."

The First Modular Phone Implant Garners Envious Looks Along Fifth Avenue.