Habit Hacker Gifts

New Year's Resolutions: 1. Be more decisive. 2. Ummmm...

'It must be a problem of interpretation. I've read this book DOZENS of times, and I keep winding up here!'

Seeing the marriage counselor.

Giving Things Up For Lent.

Smoking Cessation Clinic - Formerly The Pub.

Addiction Research Centre.

"As part of my recycling I'm reusing my resolutions from 2014, 5, 3 and 9."

'Yes, I quit smoking. Why do you ask?'

"You've got no willpower."

I want to develop a routine. It'll make me more interesting. How so? A person who regularly does the same things at the same time is boring. Either that, or he's establishing an alibi to cover for nefarious deeds he's controlling from a distance using apps on a disposable smart phone. I bet you're wondering what my other hand's doing under this table right now. Never say that sentence again in life.

Human Cull: People who constantly sniff, instead of blowing their nose.

'Scanning articles without finishing them on the Internet is affecting you. You're not finishing anything.'

Smokers anonymous---Kick the habit.

Chain Smoking

Gps to advise on 'lifestyle' issues

'I'm down to five a day with this new brand!'

'Well that's what you get for picking your scab. . .'

"He downloaded one of those apps that helps you quit smoking."

"Well, last year I kicked gambling. . . the odds are 3 to 1 the New Year will be a good one."

"Oh, give me a break. I quit smoking."

It's just until he learns to stop biting his nails.

Shut Yer Yapper and be Happy, Loser! There's a ton of so-called simple self-help books. The five most important questions: 7 habits of highly effective people: 7 steps to living at your fullest potential. Too many steps! She's going to be filthy rich.

'WD-40 un-sticks things that should move and duct tape makes things that shouldn't move, stop.'

Weird things I do because of the internet

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

'Where you went wrong' Desk.

'Life if so much simpler since we called Family Ref.'

"I love these fitness bracelets! it's like having a tamagotchi, but the tamagotchi is you."

"I've been feeling healthier since I attached my fitbit to the collar of my neighbor's terrier."

Give me a child at seven and I will show you the MAN!

"A hacker logged into my fitness tracker and stole my steps!"

"Mom, vegetables may help me grow and give me energy, but what if I want to be short and underachieving?"

"Yes, Mr. Hargraves, thumb-sucking can be cured. But first let's talk about what your other hand is doing."

Secrets of Adulthood.

Finally, I found a good use for that leak.