Food Diary Enthusiast T-Shirts

"Don't worry, I shall be putting an exclamation mark after it."

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

Your lobster was off!

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

"How fresh is the calamari?"

I put a picture of my lunch on Facebook, and nobody hit "like." Who doesn't like Slim Jims and beer?

Nothing like traveling hundreds of miles to immerse yourself in art for the sole purpose of killing time between meals.

"From right to left, you have your tekkamaki, your futomaki, and then your yamaimo roll. The little pile of pink stuff is ginger, the green one's wasabi. And, of course, you already recognize your vodka martini."

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

'It's my favorite.'

'Is this still America?'

'Strong curry for two and a fire-extinguisher.'

'How was your holiday?' - 'Fantastic! Great weather! Great food! No illness!' - 'So, back to work tomorrow, then?' - 'Yeah, I guess so.' - 'Lousy, germ free holiday.'

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

There! I've made my year's supply of zucchini bread! That's kind of a lot. How can you store them all? It's no problem. I just throw out last year's supply.

"Hey! There's a hair in my soup!"

"When I was young, we personally prepared all the food for each and every meal!"

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"Hey, …. what's not to like?"

'And that's how to make pancakes.'

'Who ordered the shark?.' '

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

"Perhaps you wouln't have declared so many places 'worth a detour' if you'd held the map right way up!"

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

'The braised toucan was fine...although I found the bill a little large.'

"Then add one extra large egg..."

"This deserves an Instagram photo. Would you mind taking a picture of someone washing the dishes when I'm done?"

"Who shaves the fennel in your family?"

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

"Save yourself — it’s a casserole!"

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

The Huge-Underground Vat theory of why all wonton soup tastes exactly the same.