Food Awareness Pillows

"Once upon a time, there was a frozen pizza, and inside the pizza some very bad monsters lived. Their names were refined white flour, reconstituted tomato, and processed cheese. But the worst monster of all was called pepperoni!"

Bacon Bits

"What do you have that won't kill me?"

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

Hand Sanitizer Man, beloved superhero of every workplace in the world.

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

Menu Dating

Distance to avoid contagion

"Mommy's going to teach you how to make a hamburger."

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

"Yes, we have blue cheese. Do you want it in electric, sky or navy blue?"

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

"For most people, the sense of panic will be mild."

Coronavirus Global Alert

"Now, in contrast to the last olive oil you tasted, this one is infused with sixty-five more dollars."

Centaur for Disease Control Says Wear a Mask

Back in 5 minutes!

"This isn't helping my migraine."

"I have an exclusive license agreement with Pfizer Pharmaceutical."

"I might just get a pie."

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

WHACK!

"They remove people who have become 'jammed in armchairs' due to COVID 19 lockdown!"

Am Awful Crammer.

Mr Claus, tests indicate your blood is 95% milk and cookies.

'I cause sneezes.' 'I cause fever' 'I cause that 'I don't know- I just don't feel too good' feeling.'

Old Spice

Earth and the Coronavirus

"May I offer you a side of life insurance?"

'If we respect each other, contraception makes sense!'