Food Awareness Pillows

"Once upon a time, there was a frozen pizza, and inside the pizza some very bad monsters lived. Their names were refined white flour, reconstituted tomato, and processed cheese. But the worst monster of all was called pepperoni!"

Bacon Bits

Pardon me, sir, do you know how you're being lied to today? Not before my coffee. That's not coffee. Huh? It's watered-down coffee mixed with red dye made of crushed beetles, to make it appear richer. You're drinking beetle juice! I feel like streaming a movie, for some reason.

"What do you have that won't kill me?"

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

Hand Sanitizer Man, beloved superhero of every workplace in the world.

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

10K Run: Smoker's Lane.

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

"Mommy's going to teach you how to make a hamburger."

"Yes, we have blue cheese. Do you want it in electric, sky or navy blue?"

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

Menu Dating

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

Distance to avoid contagion

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

"For most people, the sense of panic will be mild."

Coronavirus Global Alert

"Now, in contrast to the last olive oil you tasted, this one is infused with sixty-five more dollars."

Back in 5 minutes!

"I have an exclusive license agreement with Pfizer Pharmaceutical."

"This isn't helping my migraine."

Centaur for Disease Control Says Wear a Mask

"I might just get a pie."

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

Mr Claus, tests indicate your blood is 95% milk and cookies.

Am Awful Crammer.

WHACK!

"They remove people who have become 'jammed in armchairs' due to COVID 19 lockdown!"

'If we respect each other, contraception makes sense!'

"May I offer you a side of life insurance?"

'I cause sneezes.' 'I cause fever' 'I cause that 'I don't know- I just don't feel too good' feeling.'