Flying Comic Gifts

William, have I ever told you you're the wings beneath my wind?

"‘Extra vile old ox’? No, sir – it stands for ‘extra virgin olive oil.’"

An old-time engineer enters the cockpit on a flight.

"There's only the four of us. I hope you like doo-wop."

'Thanks for flying in for the meeting.'

"A votre sante!"

Astronaut: Pay and Display Only

'I was hoping traffic would ease up after the polar ice cap melted.'

Advertising space on jockeys' bottoms

You will be surprised by the wild birds that will appear in your garden.

Members of the Luddite community carving computers from solid blocks of oak and maple

'This is your passenger speaking. Where the hell is my coffee?!'

'Stop complaining. We can't afford business class any more.'

"Due to unforeseen circumstances, there will be no delays on the subway today."

'I always ask for a seat in the tail. You never hear of a plane backing into a mountain...'

Theme Park 'n' Ride

'Your $5 gets your 3 minutes in the lavatory--now how much toilet paper would you like to purchase?'

"I heard we're now legal in some states."

"I hardly fly anymore. The emotional baggage fees were killing me."

"With our lives it's all abut the journey. With our luggage, it's definitely about the destination."

Hand Luggage Restrictions.

Flying fish or sardines? (crowded airliner).

Fat Biker: 'Maybe I shouldn't trust this bridge that much.'

'Will keep it down ... you're disturbing our pilot scheduling policy discussions.' Sleeping Pilots?

'Does this effect my Frequent Flyer Miles?'

Excess Baggage: Airlines continue to come up with new add-on charges.

'How many frequent flier miles do you have?'

"We are now jamming passengers into rows 24 through 36."

"Once again, we're boarding only our Elite Premium passengers at this time. Thank you."

"Vinnie, it's time we send our 'friend' a little message."

More intense body search at airport checkpoints.