Flood Dodger Gifts

' ...so we decided to put in our own flood protection scheme.'

A treasure map shows you all the roads without tolls.

"We'll always have Paris..."

The Fast Lane.

"I intend to stay in this job, come Hell or high water."

"So, who would you like me to call first, dear, the plumber or the exterminator?"

'Don't worry, the first 30 years of dealing with emergency plumbing problems are the hardest.'

Wally flunks the test: The Emergency Broadcast System.

'Jimmie, run and tell your dad the tractor is flooded.'

"I just got a text message from our dehumidifier. It says it doesn't know how much more of this rain it can take."

'Two pencils approach Noah's ark.'

Ready for the curves life throws at you.

"We have to recognise that severe weather events are becoming more common. . ."

Man carrying crates of eggs about to step on sleeping dog.

'Have you filed an environmental impact statement for this flood?'

Also I don't like coffee, so I'll be working through my coffee breaks.

"I did it Dad! I ran all the way home and beat the rain!"

Ronnie 'the chameleon' waits for a break in the traffic, before making his break for it...

"Never go to a church during a hurricane. They only provide shelter from taxes."

"Every once in a while this house comes with a pool."

"Yes, Mr. Willis, it's definitely rising damp."

Sleeping through new year celebrations

'I mean, how totally lame is this? Just as the marketing for our new video game was about to go viral, the Center for Disease Control shut us down!'

"When the rubber duck reaches eye level it's a flood. . . wow, brilliant!"

Chelsea flower show sewage

"I admire the way you avoided that radar trap."

"Ned is getting ready for the oceans to rise."

'The view is great, but sometimes you've got to hang out with the non-fliers.'

'Do you suppose we might qualify for asylum in Holland?'

'If you can smile when everything around you is going wrong... you're probably in the repair business!'

'Should we upgrade the levees or just go hydroponic?'

"Actually we were hoping for something a little more sensible..."

'It's the plumber ... '