Flatmates Gifts

"Tell me more about your flatmates."

I'm Googling a couple of old uni mates.

Domestic Superheroes!!

Dear, could you please pick up some batteries? The ones in the remote are dead and I feel like I'm Amish.

Speed Dating for Turtles

The Audacity of Fake Environmental Hope

DO Not Disturb (Except For Meals)

"In my house, 'dirty dancing' means it's time to mop the floor."

'Every piece of equipment is hooked up to battery cells in the basement, and we actually sell electricity back to the power company!'

Biofelineism

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

A man sees a leak in his ceiling and drills a hole in the floor under leak to by pass his apartment.

"It's the sequel to 'Cooking for One'."

"Someone’s in the kitchen. Did you lock up my kibble?"

'Is there any chance at all I could get you to stop leaving your pantyhouse laying around?!'

'Don't worry. They say the first 24 months of living in a house during remodeling are the hardest.'

"Lazy? I've been social-networking my ass off."

"Again, are you sure I didn't mention about bringing your own 3-D glasses?"

'Are we broke yet?'

'Who gets the decaf?'

Things my vacuum likes to suck up

"Has the Wi-Fi seemed slow to you lately?"

"It's not the paranormal activity that bothers me so much as the passive aggression."

'I installed all the floor tiles by myself. I did it all by tile and error.'

It's Your Turn to Do the Dishes Tonight!

'I can't move in, Ted - your lifestyle is too modern. And your furniture is way too modern.'

"Have you been using 'Vanish' again?"

I hate monday mornings.

"Dammit Harold, you know I hate that mask!"

'Sorry I'm late getting home from work, I overslept.'

"Oh, no - not another farmer's market!"

"Much ado list"

"Who ordered a pizza?"