Flatmate Survivor Gifts

Pony express. Pony express yourself. Pony express yourself so much he left.

"On second thought, mabe it would look better over there."

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

"Connect A2 to B3, insert D3 into E5....I hate flat packs!"

So...this is the roommate. Awkward...

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

"How do you know it's my leaves clogging the shower drain?"

'Honey's a real problem for me. Whenever I try to cut back, I just end up binging on campers.'

'Let's forget the duck de la margola and order something else!' (man seeing duck fleeing from cook).

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Ereptile Dysfunction

"It's over between us, Kevin, I've met a most wonderful cod!"

Room-mate Homicides Waiting to Happen. . .

'I guess the transplant went ok - I just got a love letter from my new liver!'

'Look at the bright side. Think of our mutual funds going up, up, up!'

"I've been getting the most intense workouts since I taped a picture of my ex on the heavy bag!"

'When I said we should see other people, I didn't mean starting tonight.'

'What are you doing trying to tempt me?? I told you I was through with you!!'

'Don't look now but it's that guy from Pennsylvania that you dumped,'

"Hey! Your ad said 'non-smoker!"

"I'm in a shared room?! What kind of hole is this?"

"If you ask me, we're better off without her."

"Recently separated."

'Smog, pollen, acid-rain, holes in the ozone-layer, crime, road rage, terrorists - HERE I COME!'

'My advice? Dump him! There are plenty more fish in the sea...'

'I sure hope you're a marriage counselor.'

'I'm sorry Sandy, but it'll never work out. We're just Poles apart.'

"Poor guy..he just got a 'Dear John' fax!"

"You've come to the right lawyer. I not only do divorces, I also specialise in bankruptcy proceedings."

"The bathroom window is wide open. I don't think she's coming back."

"I've been thinking about what you said about three living as cheaply as two"

'I don't think that it's going to work out between us.'

"Is it me or is the commute to work getting worse?"

'The tide goes out along way, doesn't it?'