Fitting Room Enthusiast Gifts

"It's two sizes too big, but it fits."

Adhesive Tiles: Do Not Open from this End.

"Man's best friends."

'I found the termites!'

'What kind of alteration did you have in mind?'

'We finished all the repairs in the cafeteria kitchen this morning, but the food still tastes lousy.'

"So, how's the money pit in the kitchen coming?"

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

Cutaway view of house undergoing renovation

"Milk does a body good but champagne does it better!"

Unknowingly, with one swish of his blood soaked mammoth tail he was inflicting pain and suffering on billions of unborn people. Home decorating had been invented.

'Hello, Acme Termite Control...?'

You're right, it's the house next door that gets the new window.

Medical Center.

"Not more sleeve alterations?!"

'Oh, honey, what a lovely house... We'll place the couch here, the cupboard there and my psychiatrist right here!'

"The point of going outside is the feeling when coming back inside."

'It's our latest line-suits for t.v announcers'

'We'll take it!'

Mobile.

"They're exactly the same, except in Hell you have to put on your own duvet cover."

"I'm all set to start the weekend reno project..." "And I'm all set to call 911."

'This guy's FAST!'

"I've decided to replace the sod floor with tile."

"We're thinking Shag Carpet. I'm tired of hardwood floors."

'How does this one feel?'

Wine Lovers

"Bird of paradise, my ass."

'That was some varnish remover!'

"Normally I wouldn't take any notice of all these ads on how to improve my performance in the bedroom..."

"Why did we buy such huge furniture?"

'I was interested to see that you're living in a complete pigsty. Ours isn't quite finished yet.'

"That? - oh my husband - a closet bricklayer."

That adds life! Before we installed the carpet, I looked down and saw nothing except a blank stair!

'You should apply for government relief. Your room is a disaster area!'