Fitness Trainer Gifts

"Of course, this neck stretch should be attempted only by advanced students."

"Gruelling as this is, it's not a total-body workout."

'And you say you check your e-mail on average three or four hundred times a day?'

"You wear it on your wrist and it hacks - I mean, tracks - all your personal data."

'It's not looking good. His pulse is up to 202 just from getting out of the chair and stepping on to the treadmill.'

Aquarobics.

'Okay. . . five more! Spring forward! Fall back.'

'You're very tense today.'

'Instead of passing the fat tax on soda, the government requires that people do 10 chin-ups before the cooler will open.'

'That's our most effective weight-loss patch.'

Man on a treadmill desperately trying to get at a carrot dangling infront of him from a stick tied to his back

'Lose some weight before you go flying again. Or at least get a bigger cape.'

'That old 'diet and exercise scam' again!'

This is Dr. Thompson - He'll be making you fit into your suit today.

"It turns out I've been inhaling when I should be exhaling and exhaling when I should be inhaling."

'I did a push-up once - It didn't do me any good at ALL!'

'Let's try a slower speed.'

'Diet? Exercise... can't you just operate?'

"I do exercise, stretching exercises. Got the stretch marks to prove it."

'...and let's get one thing straight. This ain't no yoga class for wimps.'

The Three Graces

Small arms training

All things previously thought to be good for us are in fact harmful to our health.

Due to the space-age materials used in making this model, this one collects less dust than other exercise equipment.

'Mom, do I have to hold my plank through desert, too?'

Aerobics Class.

Downward-facing dog vs upward-looking cat.

'Now relax and imagine your body slowly melting into the ground.'

Proceed no further if chakras not aligned.

'Which program would you like - the use it or lose it, or use it to lose it?'

The coach.

John wondered if being carbon neutral was such a good idea...

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

'Try to get less exercise.'

'I see the marching season's over for the year.'