Fitness Instructor Gifts

'We put them on the stair master until their paperwork goes through'

'Five more, Billy! No pain, no gain!!'

Fitness Clinic.

Two entrances to a gym; one reads "Actual Exercise" while the other reads "Sit on Equipment and Stare at your Phone."

'Here's your chance to become a legend.'

'And one and two and let change through and three and four and collapse on the floor.'

'Ok, now everyone jump up and touch the ceiling 100 times with the palms of your hands...'

Woman and sport trainer

Thinning the herd.

Rowing machine on a river.

"Before you run a marathon maybe you should start with 50 yards?" Set acheivable targets.

Doggy aerobics class - 'All right...we'll start with some tail-chasing...'

Husband's sudden interest in Aquafit is all because of the sexy instructor.

"Remember when these were all yoga centers?"

Patron entering 'School of Yoga' sees snowman standing on head.

'I can help you develop your triceps, possibly beef up your chest. But to be brutally honest, you need to be erased and completely redrawn.'

'Do you know if there's a candy machine in the building?'

'Very good, Now ten more reps...and a one, and a two and ...'

'I enjoy sweating the small stuff. It adds to my fitness workout.'

'It's so much more enjoyable since we got an electric one.'

Advanced pilates.

"Hop up into the jolly jumper and let's see what you're made of"

A man walks on a treadmill on hot coals.

"Now on the count of three, each of you will turn, aim, and fire, all the while keeping your core engaged.

'It's a revolutionary technique for reducing vehicle emissions. We call it walking.'

"Stop! You're killing me!"

'Who ordered the pizza?'

'It's really not that effective, but it's easy to store.'

'That's an ancestor of mine with her cool aerobics machine that also churned butter!'

"My personal trainer couldn't get it through his head that my arms are too short to touch my toes, so I ate him."

"Nice work- let's take a quick social-media break."

'I call this next leg exercise the 'Prodigal Son' - it's just the thing for getting rid of fatted calves.'

The Phitness Quartet

'I love your cardiovascular system!'

Impersonal Trainer.