Fitness Tech Enthusiast Gifts

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

'When I run in place for 30 seconds, my pacemaker opens the garage door.'

"We need to update your entire operating system."

"What do you think is a good step goal for someone who's just started walking?"

"Speed reader...?"

"Just think of this prescription as an app for your body...with side effects."

My fitness tracker said I was dead but I thought I'd better get a second opinion

Hold on - it may take a few minutes for his new pacemaker to sync with his Fitbit.

"The patient handed me this 'wearable technology' and said 'all the answers are on there'."

'It's so much more enjoyable since we got an electric one.'

"You exercise with your phone?"

'This new diet drug comes as a pill, patch, or as a phone app with Siri saying, don't eat so much.'

"Looks like the new Tarzan was raised by personal trainers."

"Wanna go scroll on our phones at the gym?"

Could I go back and forth a few times first? I've almost got my steps in for today.

Cyber-Cise: 'Let's start with 3 sets of 8 reps of uploading, rest and repeat for downloading.'

'This one comes with it's own garage sale sign.'

Now on exhibit at the Museum of Discarded Exercise Equipment

"Nice try, but I'm not counting these as your steps. I know you're jst sitting down, eating junk food and stomping your feet on the floor."

"Forget 10,000 steps. I've programmed it to help me reach 10,000 dollars a day."

"I don't like it when he bangshis heyboard when he gets frustrated with his computer. But he needs the exercise."

Completely worthless machines: The Exer-Segway.

"Sorry, but your fitness watch called and asked me to not let you in for another week."

"He'll have the salad."

Marvin's new fitness tracker had motivational software.

"It's an Apple watch I use it to count my step."

'I'm downloading an exercise manual.'

'This is our low cal, low cholesterol, low fat model.'

"Let's take a quick power walk."

"All this damn spinning...shouldn't it be charging our phones or something?"

Hmm. Yoga where you hold positions for a long time. I'll try it. I've got my mat. I've got my blocks. And I've got my � eReader.

"My fitness tracker has 3 motivation modes: gentle scolding, threats, and electroshock."

"This is the new 'fitness laptop.' It's so large, dragging it around is a great workout."

Water. Energy bars. Check ur phone.

"Our new diagnostic software works perfectly, as long as your name is Kevin and you've got a cold!"