Fitness Struggles Gifts

Floor exercise: crying uncontrollably

"I've had a lot of exercise today! I jumped to several conclusions, ran my mouth on the phone, and I just cycled through 500 cable channels!"

"I'm starting slowly with a trainer who just stands around talking about his personal life."

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

'I think dad's getting fitter. I couldn't hear him wheezing until he turned the corner today.'

Ring for Service.

'If you want to get some exercise, carry this out to the garbage.'

And this model comes with a fitness tracker.

"Why settle for itsy-bitsy when you could be swole as hell?"

'If God had wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them closer to my hands!'

"At what point does slow jogging become walking?"

"I don't think there's anything wrong with your fitness watch: It's just that you haven't moved enough to trigger it..."

Gym. Whatever weight I manage to lose here I always seem to find on my way home. Donuts.

"I can't give enlightenment, only great calves."

A mid-lithe crisis.

'Maybe you need to practice walking.'

"I try to watch what I eat, but my eyes aren't what they used to be."

'I AM going to join a gym, but I've got to get in shape first. . .'

'Your 'guns' are very impressive Norman,but not at work.'

'The other foot also Mrs Zipsky!'

Before and After diet photos.

"I don't get it. I hired him to workout for me every day, and I still haven't lost any weight."

'I felt an overwhelming nostalgia for the old video games where you sit on your arse.'

"You're really serious about that diet!"

Airport Security. I had to go through the security pat-down three times --- They had trouble believing this is just my body and I'm not hiding anything.

'if your wife ever asks you to meet her at Pilates...don't! It's not a pizzeria.'

'...all been inspired by the Olympics...now touch those toes...touch those...'

'Unfortunately, Mrs. Himner, spot weight reduction is impossible. You need to lose weight overall.'

"Moving to a chair to eat three times a day really isn't 'doing sit-ups!'"

"The power's out again? So what do you do when that happens?"

'What makes you so sure this is good for my health?'

'Irregular heartbeat. Due to irregular exercise.'

'Amazing! You're the first patient I've ever met who gets blisters on his feet and pain in his back just by thinking of sport!'

"I swapped my 'couch to 5K' training app for a '5K to couch' one!"

"Yes... I'd like to cancel my membership to the company fitness program immediately."