Fitness Misadventurer Gifts

'Doctor, when you said you were going to put me on an exercise program, this is not what I had in mind.'

"This feels like an accomplishment."

Sleepwalker on treadmill

"Honey, I can't go to the gym today. I feel too out-of-shape."

An old man exercising with hourglasses

'It was at this point that the executive group began its hatha flow retreats.'

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

'Follow this diet, and soon the temple of your soul will just be a small chapel.'

John liked to involve his pet snake in his keep-fit programme.

'No, no, no. You guys are way off! This isn't even the cat. You guys are on the dog.'

Yoga for beginners,

'I can't see my nuts anymore.'

James's Mayfair Gym - Punting Machine.

'If God had wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them closer to my hands!'

Sadie, the way you objectify football players is unconscionable. It's what? All you talk about are their muscles, square jaws, animal intensity. Ooh. What? I live it when you get all puffed up and macho and tough. And what biceps. Much better. Well played. Girl does what she's got to.

Please use another building entirely

"I have a whole closet full of running clothes I never wear."

"Well we COULD tell people to eat less and exercise more, but where's the money in that?"

No wonder kickboxing seems so hard.

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

'I AM going to join a gym, but I've got to get in shape first. . .'

"Good coffee."

New Years Resolutions: Join Gym. . .Cancel Gym.

Well there's something you don't see every day...

"Those image resolutions are crystal clear, but it's my New Year's resolutions that are getting pretty fuzzy."

'How much have you lost so far?', '$375.00'

Kid has pot stuck on his head.

'This is weird - there's a thin person inside me, TEXTING to get out.'

Spa. The fitness trainer said I've been letting it hang out for too long to just tuck it back in.

Workout Calendar

"Too bad we're on hole sixteen."

Finally. A home exercise system that really is a clothes rack!

Bored with yoga, the very fittest neighborhood moms start up a "Running with Furniture" club.

"Why do you call it a thyroid problem when it's been giving me an excuse for the 20 pounds I gained this year?"

I resolve to drive past a gym at least twice a week