Fitness Pretender Pillows

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

"It seemed like miles to me!"

"I really have to exercise more. I went from yelling 'Fore' in my 20's, to yelling 'Wow' in my 30's, to yelling 'Ow' in my 50's."

'She thinks I'm out every night training for the London Marathon.'

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

"I tried the C25k but prefer the 5k2C"

T-shirt reads: 'No Pain, No Pain.'

"To be honest...if it wasn't for the dog I wouldn't get any exercise at all!"

'I understand the concept, sir, but I think I'd do better if it were a donut.'

"You need more info? Listen, son, our ancestors faked it, I fake it, and by gawd, it's time you learned to fake it."

'You know that thin person inside you, struggling to get out? -- He seems to have gained weight, too.'

"And the best feature of this shoe is you'll look Athletic even if you're not."

"Nice try Mrs Wimslow"

"Sometimes a tightness in the chest can be a sign of high blood pressure. In your husband's case, however, I just loosened his belt a little."

"Good coffee."

"So all these years you never did yoga but just walked around carrying the mat?"

"I feel so much more relaxed since I punched out my yoga instructor!"

'They opened an ice cream shop by the gym.'

'This is my favorite machine in the gym.'

Finally. A home exercise system that really is a clothes rack!

"I think that form '10,000' steps may have been 9,999 too many!"

Sit-ups / Stationary-ups

'I bought a treadmill, so if he sleepwalks again I know where he is.'

"Pace yourself, Mother."

'I know it's my third doughnut, but it's okay. I'm using the Pilates method of dunking.'

'...all been inspired by the Olympics...now touch those toes...touch those...'

'Oh great, we break down in the middle of nowhere and the only spare tyre we have is the one around your waist!'

"Because we're jerks."

I need something to hold my tummy in

"Remember, ladies, if you're doing this right, you shouldn't be able to do it."

"No, Fred didn't run a TV marathon - He watched a marathon on TV."