Fitness Abstainer Pillows

'I tried jogging once, but it frothed up my beer.'

"It's true: no more burpees."

"I swapped my 'couch to 5k' training app for a '5k to couch' one!"

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"

"I'm exempt from the company fitness program. I have triplets at home."

"I've had a lot of exercise today! I jumped to several conclusions, ran my mouth on the phone, and I just cycled through 500 cable channels!"

'Honestly, dear, I'm just giving my pedometer a rest.'

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

"Shhh! I'm hiding from Mistress who wants to go on a walk! It's cold and raining outside: no way I'm wearing that stupid coat again!"

'The doctor said you need more exercise, so I've hidden the remote control.'

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

'Hey, we have one of those. You hang your laundry on it.'

'I tried running once, but I kept spilling my drink.'

"We need to walk."

And this model comes with a fitness tracker.

'If God had wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them closer to my hands!'

'I can't see my nuts anymore.'

'My arms are getting shorter.'

'If you want to get some exercise, carry this out to the garbage.'

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

'Busy Dear ?' 'Just watching my exercise video.'

'The Ailing Matisse tries cutting out meat and dairy products.'

"I considered riding my bike to work until I realized it involved pedaling and sweat."

"Professor Williams had at first been reluctant to join the Assistant Deans in their Think Great Thoughts aerobics. He later came to enjoy the activity."

'You need more excercize. But I'm drinking as fast as I can.'

Sadie, the way you objectify football players is unconscionable. It's what? All you talk about are their muscles, square jaws, animal intensity. Ooh. What? I live it when you get all puffed up and macho and tough. And what biceps. Much better. Well played. Girl does what she's got to.

"I'm exhausted! I've just binge-watched the entire series of 'Fresh Air and Exercise.'"

'But, dear, I am walking the dog.'

The Sedentary Dead.

The doctor told my husband to be active, but the only exercise he gets is running around looking for the TV remote.

"I can’t even find the motivation to quit my gym membership."

"Can you send me a detailed list of knee exercises I could do at home but won't because I have no discipline."

'In that case I'll do nothing!'

"The doctor wants me to exercise more, so I need you to lift my feet even more when you're not vacuuming."