Fishing Holiday Planner Gifts

'Grandkids and fish, after three days...'

Santa Claus's Mail

Airlines

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

"As you can see, I've alphabetized the items, presents owing if you will, so if you can digitally initial here, here, here, here and here and sign there. Thank you. See you December 24."

"Christmas drinks 'n' nibbles system"

-'but for a full English breakfast you can't beat Blackpool,sir.'

Mr. Punch in Venice

"I ask that today is a good day...a day that brings family together...to show how we need one another."

Kid to fellow fisherman: 'Why do they stink like fish when they've been bathing this whole time?'

"Really! How many 'How to Survive the Festive Season' articles does one man need?"

Heading off with a packed bag

"Hey Scout, isn't ice fishing great?"

Italia tours

'My secret? Stay away from Halloween candy.'

'This one is a bit different - twelve Indian call centres in eight days.'

"I know it’s a challenge, but it needs your input!" "...Your breadth of knowledge of different interest groups, religions...cultures!" "Right, so the staff Christmas meal will be a traditional lacto-vegan one at a Thai restaurant sometime in March?" "Do you think the Pagans will be OK with that?"

Man on beach realizes laying down flattens his stomach

North Pole twinned with Amazon

Excess Baggage: Sooner or later all those vacation bills come due.

"I'll be there in three 'All Too Well's."

"Could you help me fit nine days work into five and still see my family?"

Wizard of Oz - repeat fees

'No, no, no. You guys are way off! This isn't even the cat. You guys are on the dog.'

'We must have everything... this is all that's left!'

A tourist struggling with loads of luggage

'Let it go, Amy.'

"We can't go. We don't have enough carbon offset credits to get to the Grand Canyon."

"Well, all I know is he left on vacation to unwind... and he never wound-up again!"

'If that's my wife, pencil her in for Boxing Day.'

"I've been invited to two different thanksgivings...One with family, one with friends, which one do I go to?"

"Wait a minute- these are just the ten commandments of perfect mashed potatoes."

"What happened to the good old Jewish holidays when all we used to do was eat?"

Pre-Winter Ennui-'Hon, did you have the furnace checked?'

Moths fly to Blackpool for illuminations: 'I'm telling you, you're gonna love it.'