Fiscal Rollercoaster Cowboy Gifts

'You reached the Nervous Investor Fund's Hotline. The per share value is now 19.05, now 18.91, now...'

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

"I'm curious about your dependent children, Scamp, Flop, and Spunky."

"Good news. Your medical prognosis is right in sync with your retirement portfolio."

Exchange Rate Going Down the Plughole

It's 10 P.M. does anyone know what 'sequestration' means?

"I'm at that awkward stage between credit card payments and alimony payments."

'Worldcon' - financial statement fraud exposed.

What is possible and what is probable.

Fiscal cliff

'The financial advisor is here.'

Basic Tax Law/Loopholes.

"It's the government, they've spent all our taxes and want to know if we can send them some more."

"At last, a country that welcomes poor refugees like me..."

"Do me a favor, Harlow. When you greet me, stop saying 'Hello, big spender!'"

'Earn it...and they will come.'

Office of Management & Budget. Now hiring: crowdfunding expert to reduce the U.S. budget deficit.

"Before we start planning our next brilliant foray into the global economy, I suggest we first figure out how we're going to pay our local electric bill!"

'Ever wish we were back on Wall Street?'

'That one looks like a hefty tax cut with simultaneous reduction in the deficit.'

'I hereby leave all my debts and overdrafts to the IRS. . .'

'...and if my taxes are cut, I promise to stimulate the economy.'

'With the tax cut and the federal deficit, the only solution is for you to earn more, Mr. Syms.'

"Pearson is known for his austere monetary views."

"I love the way you hide profits where only I can see them."

"Hi, I'm your personal pensions advisor, Miss Sold"

'Take a piece of candy and a tax form. The treat is a gratuity and therefore reportable income.'

"Only one thing could be worse than paying income tax. Not having to pay it."

"Fortunately, we have an excellent pay-as-you-go plan of just 2,359 easy payments."

'It's 10pm, do you know where your tax loopholes are?'

"Want to play a little game of "Guess Their Tax Bracket?'"

"Is it called a tax 'code' because it's difficult to decipher."

Fiscal projections on the spreadsheet of life.

"What do you mean 'It's only money'?"

IRS, 'Don't forget -- your first payment on that barrel is due in 30 days.'