First-timer Enthusiast Gifts

"I'm sorry-this is literally my first rodeo."

Welcome to the Team

'I chose my field on what would put the most impressive initials after my name.'

Employment Agency. I didn't hire him -- Those bipedal guys are are afraid to get their hands dirty.

"Mrs. Barnes is to have a complete head-to-toe – she's to be the victim in a bandage-instruction class."

"Whisky? Have you got anything stronger?"

"This is the life -- I'm never travelling Economy again!"

Tea and Sugar Rationing

That Pesky 'Why' Chromosome.

'Stamp auction' WW2 Victory stamps on two fingers

"Larry, stop signing your memos with your initials. No one takes them seriously."

"You only get one chance to make a great exhaustion."

'Your tests indicate that you have a very short attention span -- you should be either a short-order cook or a news anchorman.'

"Well, then why don't the British just borrow Major Eliot from the Herald Tribune."

New York City, where even snails live at a fast pace!

"Can you start the interview without me? I'll be in as soon as I finish my resume."

She's started, like, talking, and you're not gonna, like, believe what her, like, first word was!

'Thank you for that kind introduction, Ed, but frankly, I would've liked a little further ado.'

King George VI

'My agent told me to bring some arm candy.'

'Ideally, I'd like to work with my hands.'

'Great Resume. Possibly your best ever.' A first impression is very important, no matter how many tries it takes.

"I got my ticket for three dollars over the Internet. Are you going to eat that salmon?"

'Put that light out!'

"If you hear me scream . . . Dear God, Jesus Christ, what are you doing, then I want you to apply your foot to the brake!"

Relax, sir. As soon as we're sure the first class passengers have plenty of oxygen, you'll get yours.

"Try this one. It's a first edition."

"That's the last of those we're going to get. British censorship, you know."

'He wants us to wake him when something comes on that's aimed at his demographic.'

No Soap in the Bathroom

'Before you have your job interview I'll touch up your roots.'

"Let's tow the trailer to a new state and make a fresh start."

WW1 Secrets: Steak and Kidney Pie Tank.

Someday you'll thank me for not carrying you upstream.

British Patent (applied for) Picking the Pickelhaube: A little Game for the Trenches