First-time Father Gifts

'...Just like Daddy!'

A father pushes his baby on a swing

"Geez. He's bald. No teeth. And craps in diapers."

'I'm just not sure I'm ready to be a father.'

Madonna of the Pukes.

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

A tube of toothpaste doesn't reach its full potential until in the hands of a baby.

"It's so nice to finally put a face to the name."

"I hoped you'd change your hobby when you became a father"

'You change him, and I'll change the tire.'

"I don't know...sometimes I think I don't spend enough time with them. What kind of role model am I?"

Doughboy Dad

"That's mine!"

'We found you in a cabbage!'

"I miss the Augean stables."

"It's a boy, ... and two girls, then another boy, another girl, and there more boys."

"You know what they say, there's one born every minute!"

"Please doctor, hit him again. I need to get that ring-tone."

"They look so young and helpless."

"If I turn it up I might get out of here quicker!"

"Travelling with Child Sketchbook - day 2."

'Congratulations! You're the proud father of three healthy, bouncing tax deductions!'

"Which one's yours?"

"I want to have at least two children - I have too much guilt to give for just one."

"With the baby-cam, there is no privacy."

"Which one's mine?"

"Which one's yours?"

Out of patience

"It's a dependent!"

'That never gets old.'

Kids really do make you view the world from a different perspective...I'm on the floor, behind the couch, under the bed...

"Anything interesting happen over the weekend, Frank?"

'Yipee! A cockroach!'

'Oh wonderful! All day I've been waiting for that burp!'

"I'm sure he wasn't that big when we went out