First-time Buyer Journeyer T-Shirts

'We did have one property in your price range, but I'm afraid we sold it in 1943.'

Open House of Horrors

"Son, one day two hundred square feet of this city could be yours to rent."

"Yes, we’d like to buy a grow house." "Chia Pet’s first purchase."

Garage Music

'They're playing house.'

'I'm sorry, sir, but there is a 25 surcharge to use the lavatory,'

"It's a great Fixer-Upper and this is Ken, single, available and a pretty decent handyman."

'We're starting to build our own house. How much is this two by four?'

Quicksand Swamp - Cheap Burial Plots.

'How much?! You can't be serious: It's a hole in a tree!'

"I'm going to look for a mortgage...I may be some time!"

"It's perfect for commuting to college. Definitely a learning experience."

'Buy this house sir, and you could be a star in a DIY make-over programme!'

"I remember when you used to see 3 or 4 of these a week!"

"You've heard of the bank that likes to say 'yes' well we're the bank that likes to laugh in your face unless you've got an 80% deposit."

'Don't worry about your daughter Sir: I'll find us a dump to live in...'

"It's got a great view!"

'Hey, this is nice! You should see my starter cave!'

'A new concept. The inside out house.'

'You're on the very bottom of the 'property ladder'. Or as we estate agents call it; 'the food chain'.'

'I know it's tough starting out. Your father and I started out in a plastic bag.'

'Inflation allows you to live in a more expensive neighbourhood without even moving.'

'Buy this house and get two wonderful neighbours!'

"... And how long have you had this irrational fear that you'll never get a mortgage?"

For Sale sign combined with Fruit Machine - 'House Price Lottery'

'Hi, this is Wilbur Gurkenman, your real estate agent! I've found a single room apartment I think you can afford...'

Fixer-Upper. And if you buy it, you can write off your taxes and interest. And my weekends too.

"THREE quid for a romantic verse? Don't you have any snappy one liners for 50p.?"

'Yes, we do sell affordable homes, if you happen to be Donald Trump.'

"There's one home in this area within your price range, but it has a mouse."

'Sorry, no, but thanks for bringing a little laughter into my life.'

'Mr. Jones? I've found a house that fits your funds perfectly! It even has a little garden!'

'I'm sorry, but all we have in your price range are a few bales of hay.'

"Buy a bunch of these tiny houses. When you need something bigger, they're stackable!"