First Obedience Class Gifts

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

"What you call tricks I call humiliations."

'Unbelievable: My cowboy expects me to drop everything and come running when he whistles...'

"Why do dogs wag their tails? Because it always brings results."

"Bad dog."

"We've found a marvelous trainer for Rex."

Agility God

Zombie pet tricks.

Dog Training Academy and the Cat Anarchy Club.

"...do they teach manners at obedience school?"

"Penny's still having issues grasping 'icing the puck,' but she nailed 'offsides' and 'too many men' today!"

Jump Boy!God, your life must be dull.

Becoming The Good Boy They Say You Are

Dogs are smart enough to understand human commands. Cats are smart enough to ignore them.

'The months of arduous training were worth it, she makes a decent martini.'

Balloon dog training

'He's never going to graduate. How about giving him an honorary degree instead?'

'I can see the practical side of fetching, but what's the point of rolling over?'

"I'm taking a gap year and then getting my Master's in Fetching and Staying."

"Yeah, I've put on a lot of weight, but my master's favourite command is "sit, sit, sit!" I barely ever get to exercise..."

'I'm tired of sitting and staying.'

'I taught him to shake hands, but I don't know where he got the joybuzzer!'

"In obedience school, I was voted 'Most likely to chew a slipper'."

'I want a dog who will fetch my things, so don't sell me one that drools.'

Obedience school was tough. Especially the homework, which he would do and then eat.

"Text!"

"What, again? You've gotta be kidding me!"

"Not until you fetch the other one."

'Going to Puppy School is so old fashioned Dad: I can do the course through open learning now...'

Obedience School Graduation.

"Sorry honey, I'll be late. The boss told me to stay."

'Okay, let's try it one more time...slippers...slippers....'

'Out of the blue, my Master is now obsessed with having me sit, shake hands and rollover...'

"House training's not so bad - you soon get used to it and, if you play your cards right, you'll get lots of treats."

'Let me put this in dog terms: Woof! Woof! Bark! Bark! Bow-wow-wow!'