First Job Search Gifts

'I see that you have a B.A. degree in collating and stapling. Your parents must be very proud.'

Jobs for graduates

"Maybe we apply as a group....crowdsourcing employment."

'...and there's the DSS!'

"I'm looking for an employer whose performance standards are as rigorous as those of the college I graduated from!"

Careers guidance

"If you work hard and really put the hours in that there's a good chance of your volunteering might lead to an unpaid internship."

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'I have this fear of the real world...'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'No Renee, not until you get two degrees, pass a rigorous physical, and beat out thousands of other qualified individuals.'

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"He's having a hard time finding work."

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"He might not have got the job with Google, but they weren't going to stop Brian skateboarding to the office."

'I guess there are lots of rotten jobs, Gramma...I hope I don't have to clean the taco hut forever.'

'What a drive! Our boy's going to go a long, long way.'

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

Pajama Day 743

'I've already been recruited by one of the top fast-food chains in the country!'

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'We manufacture micro computing circuits. We're looking to hire someone who can anticipate the next small thing.'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

Good Luck!

'Now then - I just wanted to see how you handle pressure, Mr. Boyle.'

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

How are you at decision making?

A very young man being hired as a groom.

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

"So what makes you think you're qualified for this job?"