Finding A Flatmate Pillows

"I've been thinking about what you said about three living as cheaply as two"

A man sees a leak in his ceiling and drills a hole in the floor under leak to by pass his apartment.

'Jane, cancel all my appointments for the rest of the week.'

So...this is the roommate. Awkward...

"How do you know it's my leaves clogging the shower drain?"

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Room-mate Homicides Waiting to Happen. . .

'Last time I share-house with a Wookie!'

'I guess the transplant went ok - I just got a love letter from my new liver!'

"Hey! Your ad said 'non-smoker!"

'...And preferably someone with a blood donor card.'

"We met online, it was love at first site."

Magicians make terrible roommates. 'Did you clean or just make everything disappear?' 'Where's my keys?!' 'You know I have an early class!'

'Here we've both been, breaking our necks to meet the right person, and BAM!'

'Well, at least the landlord can't complain about a flat fish!'

'You just grew three inches.'

'Honestly Simon, you treat this house like a hotel!'

'It's for you.'

'I know I've met Mr. Right this time - we both hate Jim Carrey!'

"Hope you don't need the bathroom. His showers take forever."

"All the good ones are either married or identify as gatherers."

'You're breaking your mothers heart, Vinnie! Would it kill you to settle down with a nice girl like Nancy?'

"Here's a one-bedroom in the heart of downtown with it's own dedicated parking spot, which can be reached by a convenient twenty-minute cab ride."

'23-D meet 17-C, sublet...'

"And FYI, Iggy has night terrors."

"I love our comfortable silences."

'Boy, I'm glad I've met you: It is so hard to find a partner who, like me, doesn't want children...'

"Some men are like icebergs....75 percent of the volume is hidden under the water!"

"Hi, I was sent by the temp office. They said you needed a husband."

"If we are going to co-habit, then this is a list of my demands."

New roommates, welcome to Oswego Ewe's new semester.

"I've learned to live with the ever-present specter of death, but mostly because it's started chipping in for rent."

'I can appreciate your concerns darling, but it is within our price range!'

"I'm looking for a special sort of roommate. Someone who will split the rent, do chores, then go home at night."

'That's amazing. According to the computer, I'm your perfect match!'