Flatmate Pillows

"How do you know it's my leaves clogging the shower drain?"

'I guess the transplant went ok - I just got a love letter from my new liver!'

"Hey! Your ad said 'non-smoker!"

'It's for you.'

Hot New Talk Shows!

"Hope you don't need the bathroom. His showers take forever."

Passive aggression meets immovable object.

'Hey, I was reading that!'

"Have you been using my toothbrush again!"

Sharing a Christmas Tree.

So...this is the roommate. Awkward...

Room-mate Homicides Waiting to Happen. . .

"I love our comfortable silences."

Domestic Superheroes!!

Dear, could you please pick up some batteries? The ones in the remote are dead and I feel like I'm Amish.

"In my house, 'dirty dancing' means it's time to mop the floor."

DO Not Disturb (Except For Meals)

'They sold the company in 2001? I was wondering why things were slow.'

Biofelineism

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

A man sees a leak in his ceiling and drills a hole in the floor under leak to by pass his apartment.

"Someone’s in the kitchen. Did you lock up my kibble?"

"It's the sequel to 'Cooking for One'."

'Is there any chance at all I could get you to stop leaving your pantyhouse laying around?!'

'Don't worry. They say the first 24 months of living in a house during remodeling are the hardest.'

"Lazy? I've been social-networking my ass off."

"Again, are you sure I didn't mention about bringing your own 3-D glasses?"

Things my vacuum likes to suck up

"Has the Wi-Fi seemed slow to you lately?"

'Who gets the decaf?'

'Are we broke yet?'

"It's not the paranormal activity that bothers me so much as the passive aggression."

'I installed all the floor tiles by myself. I did it all by tile and error.'