Financially Challenged Humor Lovers Pillows

Bankruptcy court

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

Bingo! Credit card number!! The real reason raccoons like garbage.

'We've reached the thirty percent cut in operating expenses you wanted and we're the only two left in the building.'

'I consider myself to be a sophisticated investor. I would never invest in penny stocks. I lost all of my money investing with a brokerage specializing in nickel stocks.'

'Well, son... I've made my first million by selling my unpaid bills to the paper-recycling guy!'

Life plan

'You've been approved for your loan, Mr. Root. We'd like to hold your nuts as collateral.'

"For someone your age, the yearly premium on a $5,000 policy is $8,000."

'Of course business is slow. Would we want it any other way?'

"How can we cut costs on Mars vehicles?"

"We're going to sacrifice you to the gods, son, because it's so much cheaper than college."

The cost of bringing up children soars to more than £140,000.

Jerry, times are tough. I'll take your iou for $75 only if it's written on a $100 bill.

'One good thing about the salary - you won't be liable for income tax.'

In a Kitchen Cupboard, somewhere on Wall St...fortunes changed!!

"It's our bank with some disturbing news. . . someone hacked into our account and paid all our bills."

"Someday, gentlemen, I promise you - the heady days of 'Come a ti yi yippie yippie yay' will be back."

"...If at first you don't succeed there's always claiming your losses for a big tax write-off."

'You mean there's no money back guaranteed if I'm not satisfied?'

"I'm interested in the debt consolidation package your bank has been advertising...."

"Business is terrible. I've already had to refill with red ink two times this month."

'Every time I get paid my creditors form a flash mob.'

Cash Machine pulls a face at a customer.

"I never knew you could have so much fun with a global debt bubble."

'Tell them that, by funding our project, they agree the universe must be expanding, and that, as it expands, so must our budget!'

'...Or, if you're on a budget, there's always the La Brea tar pits.'

'Today another financial firm went kerflooey and here with us is an expert to explain the economic impact of 'Kerflooey.''

'And the name of your bank, please?'

Money and hair only seem important when you don't have any!

'I just got a profit warning from my blood circulation!'

'I'd like to roll my account over.', 'We're not responsible for any breakage, you know.'

"Turns out the training budget has been cut, so we'll continue doing things the stupid way for another year."

The end is near.

'One day, bull and bear will retire and then the both of us will be there to grab the good jobs at the stock exchange, eh, buddy?'