Financially Challenged Humor Lovers Gifts

Bankruptcy court

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

'We've reached the thirty percent cut in operating expenses you wanted and we're the only two left in the building.'

'I consider myself to be a sophisticated investor. I would never invest in penny stocks. I lost all of my money investing with a brokerage specializing in nickel stocks.'

'Well, son... I've made my first million by selling my unpaid bills to the paper-recycling guy!'

Life plan

'You've been approved for your loan, Mr. Root. We'd like to hold your nuts as collateral.'

"For someone your age, the yearly premium on a $5,000 policy is $8,000."

'Of course business is slow. Would we want it any other way?'

"How can we cut costs on Mars vehicles?"

Jerry, times are tough. I'll take your iou for $75 only if it's written on a $100 bill.

"We're going to sacrifice you to the gods, son, because it's so much cheaper than college."

The cost of bringing up children soars to more than £140,000.

'One good thing about the salary - you won't be liable for income tax.'

In a Kitchen Cupboard, somewhere on Wall St...fortunes changed!!

"It's our bank with some disturbing news. . . someone hacked into our account and paid all our bills."

"Someday, gentlemen, I promise you - the heady days of 'Come a ti yi yippie yippie yay' will be back."

"...If at first you don't succeed there's always claiming your losses for a big tax write-off."

'You mean there's no money back guaranteed if I'm not satisfied?'

"Business is terrible. I've already had to refill with red ink two times this month."

"I'm interested in the debt consolidation package your bank has been advertising...."

'Every time I get paid my creditors form a flash mob.'

"I never knew you could have so much fun with a global debt bubble."

Cash Machine pulls a face at a customer.

'Tell them that, by funding our project, they agree the universe must be expanding, and that, as it expands, so must our budget!'

'...Or, if you're on a budget, there's always the La Brea tar pits.'

'I just got a profit warning from my blood circulation!'

'And the name of your bank, please?'

Money and hair only seem important when you don't have any!

'I'd like to roll my account over.', 'We're not responsible for any breakage, you know.'

'Today another financial firm went kerflooey and here with us is an expert to explain the economic impact of 'Kerflooey.''

"Turns out the training budget has been cut, so we'll continue doing things the stupid way for another year."

The end is near.

'One day, bull and bear will retire and then the both of us will be there to grab the good jobs at the stock exchange, eh, buddy?'

You have back-breaking syndrome. Throw away your credit cards, refinance your mortgage and switch the kids out of private schools into public schools.