Financially Cautious Tippler Pillows

'There's a machine now that tells you when to stop drinking. It's called a cash point machine.'

'We like the occasional drink on the patio.'

'I swear, if he didn't always pick up the tab, I'd never go drinking with him.'

'We have developed an APP we use to import ingredients from the Internet, merge them in the computer, and then download them into the distiller and then just bottle the output.'

'You're a nihilist, eh? — well, at least you have something to believe in.'

Our specials today include salad and dessert. Tip and service are NOT included.

"I'd say my favourite wine is the sixth one."

"Yes we have dollar drafts, no you can't use your own glass."

"This wasn't me, it was the bottle talking."

One shandy and two glasses of tap water please.

"Here's Bill now. I'm not sure where he's been, but I'm guessing it was the Sour Beer Festival."

'This $10,000 bottle of Bordeaux is also a powerful solvent. It entirely dissolved my savings account.'

'This one's called 'Towel stealer'. It's a guest beer.'

Visitor to a Landmark Tavern

Tip responsibly

'Owner's kid. Gets paid under the table.'

'Would you like to start with a drink, a menu, or my gratuity.'

'Thinker's drinker.'

'Time's up, chuckles.'

"I prefer the cheap stuff."

Joe's Bar: Do your discretionary spending here!

'My wife left me and I lost my fortune. Well, not in this order.'

5-6 pm: Unhappy hour - mourn the loss of jobs to apps, bots, drones.

'Just give him the tip, Harold.'

"You can have my doggie bag as a tip."

I remember your lousy tip. Enjoy MY trickle-down theory.'

'So, does your wrist-wearable wine analyzer have anything so say about that Burgundy, like how to get it out of silk?'

'Switch me to the cheap stuff when I start talking with my W. C. Fields voice.'

Traditional ale,Traditional Drunk

'What? You mean I ran all the way here and got all that exercise for nothing?'

'My Beer Expert necklace reports that this IPA is perfect, so why do I need to taste it?'

Harry, I've just had a tip!

"Am I the only guy at the table who goes back to when this stuff was two hundred and fifty dollars a bottle?"

"You know this is to solve your problems."

'It's sad to see a good dog go bad.'