Financial Whiz With A Funny Bone Gifts

'Simply put, we are on our ninth life!'

'I think I know what the problem is!'

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

"Sorry, stock-market jitters."

'In tonight's debate, Ms. Johnson will argue the merits of accrual-based accounting, while Mr. Wilcox will defend the 'Don't Be Accrual' method!'

"We can't all work for Goldman Sachs."

'You can't sit like that all the way through the Budget.'

'I have an expense account, but it's a joke.'

'You're addicted to big bonuses. But the good news is there's a patch to treat that.'

"Gold ended the day on a new high, while frankincense and myrrh both opened well but faded as the markets closed."

'I'm balancing the books...you are out'

'Prof. Sigurdt has made giant strides in making genetic engineering profitable.'

"Then it's settled -- our strategy is to hope for better things."

'Then the king rewrote the tax code so everyone could understand it, and all the CPAs went out of business.'

'This is going to hurt, I'm afraid. . .I can't afford to pay.'

"Speculators found it was a bear market so they decided to hibernate."

"You never express your emotions. You're very blank."

Royal Mail Privatisation

'Perkins, what about this trip on your expense account to 'Fantasy Island'?'

'If money doesn't grown on trees why do banks have so many branches?'

'And the largest slice is mine.'

"I've hidden my nuts in an offshore forest."

"We can mortgage your future for a very attractive low interest rate."

'In the eventuality of a double dip...'

'Hold all my death threats.'

Have Your Cards Read Here

'My dad showed me how to make awesome paper airplanes out of corporate bonds.'

''Tax Loopholes for the Rich and Famous' was filmed before a live audience of IRS auditors.'

"I see you've invested wildly in Asian stocks...like a bull in a China shop."

"I couldn't afford the gas for my car, so I robbed a bank but the police caught me because my car was out of gas."

"I'm afraid you're overdrawn."

'Got any advice?' - 'Yes, stand up straight, you're slouching.'

Cinema. Saving Mr. Banks. I thought it was going to be about the financial sector bailout.

"Oh, not much...just laundering the bank's money."

'And now I would like to depart from my prepared text...'