Financial Analyst With A Sense Of Humor Gifts

'Short straw tells the employees what we did to their pension funds...'

'And the largest slice is mine.'

'See? The diet works! Your wallet has already lost most of it's weight!'

'In the eventuality of a double dip...'

"I only swallowed a 10p piece. Why are you making me cough up £50?"

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

'Simply put, we are on our ninth life!'

"Cheer up, if this carries on we could become a very attractive takeover target.

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

'What do you mean, the chart resembles an iceberg?'

"Now, who can I trust with a pie chart?"

"We can't all work for Goldman Sachs."

'I have an expense account, but it's a joke.'

"Gold ended the day on a new high, while frankincense and myrrh both opened well but faded as the markets closed."

'I'm balancing the books...you are out'

'You're addicted to big bonuses. But the good news is there's a patch to treat that.'

Please do not give insider tips to the bears.

'Then the king rewrote the tax code so everyone could understand it, and all the CPAs went out of business.'

"You never express your emotions. You're very blank."

"There's a worry that if we impose rules on hedge funds they may leave the UK..."

Royal Mail Privatisation

"Speculators found it was a bear market so they decided to hibernate."

'Crisis'

'If money doesn't grown on trees why do banks have so many branches?'

''Tax Loopholes for the Rich and Famous' was filmed before a live audience of IRS auditors.'

"Ah, what you need is our instant access account"

"We can mortgage your future for a very attractive low interest rate."

"I've hidden my nuts in an offshore forest."

'Exploiting the workers hasn't helped...so we'll have to start screwing them.'

'What did you do - tell him the amount of his share of the national debt?'

"I couldn't afford the gas for my car, so I robbed a bank but the police caught me because my car was out of gas."

'Buy old masters, they hold their value better than old mistresses.'

"Oh, not much...just laundering the bank's money."

Cinema. Saving Mr. Banks. I thought it was going to be about the financial sector bailout.

"I'm afraid you're overdrawn."