Financial Analysts With A Sense Of Humor Gifts

"Whew, I'm glad it's a jobless recovery."

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

'Well, son... I've made my first million by selling my unpaid bills to the paper-recycling guy!'

'I'm balancing the books...you are out'

"There's a worry that if we impose rules on hedge funds they may leave the UK..."

Royal Mail Privatisation

"I'm afraid the tax authorities won't allow you to claim your wife as a depreciating asset."

'Why are you so bloody cheerful?'

'Shouldn't we pull this corporation over and ask for directions.'

In a Kitchen Cupboard, somewhere on Wall St...fortunes changed!!

'Crisis'

"It's our bank with some disturbing news. . . someone hacked into our account and paid all our bills."

Avocado Prices

'Hold all my death threats.'

'In the eventuality of a double dip...'

'And the largest slice is mine.'

'Buy old masters, they hold their value better than old mistresses.'

'And now I would like to depart from my prepared text...'

'His idea of planning for the future is buying two cases of beer.'

'Now remember, let me do the crying.'

In come.

"I only swallowed a 10p piece. Why are you making me cough up £50?"

'Joey, I'm taking you out of tobacco company stocks, and putting you into medical marijuana futures.'

"I'm sorry, but the only 0% offer we can give you is the 0% chance of being accepted..."

"The solution is to do the same as president Trump would do.. Attack on Twitter!"

'Nelson here is in charge of out offshore accounts.'

'As a general rule of thumb, if your only assets are your frequent flyer miles, you don't need to create a trust for your children.'

"I'm giving you something to raise your low blood pressure...my bill."

'Bob, show Mr. Hendermatt our loan department. Lend him something.'

Rates Below Zero

How Trickle Down Economics Work

'I now handle the ultimate collection account: Robinson Crusoe.'

'Leo, someday you'll thank me for your under-performing stocks, since money can't buy happiness.'

'Short straw tells the employees what we did to their pension funds...'

'Would you care to settle the matter of your loan with a penalty shoot-out?'