Financial Analysts With A Sense Of Humor Pillows

"Whew, I'm glad it's a jobless recovery."

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

'Well, son... I've made my first million by selling my unpaid bills to the paper-recycling guy!'

'I'm balancing the books...you are out'

Royal Mail Privatisation

'Why are you so bloody cheerful?'

"There's a worry that if we impose rules on hedge funds they may leave the UK..."

"I'm afraid the tax authorities won't allow you to claim your wife as a depreciating asset."

'Shouldn't we pull this corporation over and ask for directions.'

In a Kitchen Cupboard, somewhere on Wall St...fortunes changed!!

'Crisis'

"It's our bank with some disturbing news. . . someone hacked into our account and paid all our bills."

'Hold all my death threats.'

'In the eventuality of a double dip...'

Avocado Prices

'And the largest slice is mine.'

'Buy old masters, they hold their value better than old mistresses.'

'And now I would like to depart from my prepared text...'

'Now remember, let me do the crying.'

'His idea of planning for the future is buying two cases of beer.'

In come.

"I'm sorry, but the only 0% offer we can give you is the 0% chance of being accepted..."

"The solution is to do the same as president Trump would do.. Attack on Twitter!"

'Joey, I'm taking you out of tobacco company stocks, and putting you into medical marijuana futures.'

"I only swallowed a 10p piece. Why are you making me cough up £50?"

'As a general rule of thumb, if your only assets are your frequent flyer miles, you don't need to create a trust for your children.'

"I'm giving you something to raise your low blood pressure...my bill."

'Bob, show Mr. Hendermatt our loan department. Lend him something.'

'Leo, someday you'll thank me for your under-performing stocks, since money can't buy happiness.'

'I now handle the ultimate collection account: Robinson Crusoe.'

'Would you care to settle the matter of your loan with a penalty shoot-out?'

'Short straw tells the employees what we did to their pension funds...'

"I like this one."