Financial Whiz With A Funny Bone Prints

'Simply put, we are on our ninth life!'

'I think I know what the problem is!'

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

"Sorry, stock-market jitters."

"We can't all work for Goldman Sachs."

'You can't sit like that all the way through the Budget.'

'I have an expense account, but it's a joke.'

'I'm balancing the books...you are out'

'You're addicted to big bonuses. But the good news is there's a patch to treat that.'

"Gold ended the day on a new high, while frankincense and myrrh both opened well but faded as the markets closed."

'Then the king rewrote the tax code so everyone could understand it, and all the CPAs went out of business.'

'Prof. Sigurdt has made giant strides in making genetic engineering profitable.'

"Then it's settled -- our strategy is to hope for better things."

"Speculators found it was a bear market so they decided to hibernate."

"You never express your emotions. You're very blank."

Royal Mail Privatisation

'This is going to hurt, I'm afraid. . .I can't afford to pay.'

'If money doesn't grown on trees why do banks have so many branches?'

Have Your Cards Read Here

'Hold all my death threats.'

"I see you've invested wildly in Asian stocks...like a bull in a China shop."

"We can mortgage your future for a very attractive low interest rate."

'My dad showed me how to make awesome paper airplanes out of corporate bonds.'

'In the eventuality of a double dip...'

'And the largest slice is mine.'

''Tax Loopholes for the Rich and Famous' was filmed before a live audience of IRS auditors.'

"I've hidden my nuts in an offshore forest."

"Oh, not much...just laundering the bank's money."

'Got any advice?' - 'Yes, stand up straight, you're slouching.'

"I'm afraid you're overdrawn."

"I couldn't afford the gas for my car, so I robbed a bank but the police caught me because my car was out of gas."

'And now I would like to depart from my prepared text...'

'You know, what we need to turn this around is...a rumor.'