Financial Reliability Seeker Gifts

Farmers Bank: 'The bank that sticks with you through thick.'

Will work for ETFs

"Remember how I've always had a hard time asking for help?"

'You have no idea how hard I've gotta work just to maintain my indie cred around here!'

"This IS my day-to-night outfit"

"Grandpa, tell us again about pensions!"

Medical student overdrafts...careers in the law.

"Another organization has already researched this, but I'm afraid that if we use it, we won't get as much credit."

"If it's nothing serious' why did you put on five pairs of gloves?"

'Having the money tree has really helped out.'

'While your word is your bond, at this point it's a junk bond.'

A Balanced budget.

'My investment club had morphed into a support group.'

Euro Balloon: Please watch out for other currencies on your way down!

'You're lucky you're just a kid and don't have to worry about things like going out and getting a job when you're supposed to be retired.'

'Eddie, you've tried aggressive growth, multicaps, small caps, blue chips...now maybe it's time to try a support group for underperforming portfolios?'

'I met the greatest guy! He's sweet, he's handsome, and his insurance policy is Equity Indexed Whole Life!'

'Your good work leaves me in a splendid position. Isn't that enough reward for you?'

'Maturity: the instant-degratification phase of life.'

'Remember son: not a borrower but a lender be.'

'Your assets are perfectly safe with us, it's ring fenced - and of course we reconcile regularly sir.'

Past Performance in No Guarantee of Future Results.

'Excellent job on the Foreman account, Graham. There's just one thing... I don't see my name on it.'

"This is Thurgood. He specializes in beaten-down stocks."

'At last you can put your feet up and concentrate on worrying about your pension.'

'You're fine. Now get out of my office!'

'Guaranteed! By the end of the summer he'll be so self-reliant that you can cancel his allowance.'

'Strategic plan B: we chop down all the office plants and grow vegetables.'

'Sell during a boom; buy during a bust - that sounds more like Warren Buffett instead of Buddha.'

"Chris, find a safe and fast way into lucrative tax heavens!"

How to bare up in a bare market.

"I spent all last year totally paralyzed with indecision about a career - isn't that some kinda tax deduction?"

"There's more to being a pensions adviser than just handling the figures..."

"It's another poll asking if we'll ever trust another poll again."

'I always feel I could have taken credit for more.'