Self-reliance Seeker Gifts

Man pulling UHAUL truck himself.

'Guaranteed! By the end of the summer he'll be so self-reliant that you can cancel his allowance.'

They hated me.

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

Self help acupuncture

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

"I dunno, I guess I just don't believe in myself anymore."

"I can motivate everyone except myself."

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

People in the mirror may be more attractive than they appear.

'Believe me, I know transformation isn't easy. I pulled a muscle once.'

"Instead of years of therapy, I decided to go for chocolate."

Bookstore, the Politically Incorrect Guide to You.

Cat with Lion reflection in mirror

Critisize your weight.

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

"I like you in that one—it gives you an aura of mindfulness."

"Yeah, you could say I've got mother issues....she told me I have to move out!"

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

"My diet plan for you is if it tastes good, spit it out."

'Your inferiority complex is better than mine.'

'Trouble is they always forget to return them...'

"...Wow, if Malcolm Gladwell is right, we need to get a cat who's a Virgo ASAP!"

"I haven't lost any weight after two weeks of dieting, but my hair's getting thinner."

Chicken soup for the adjunct professors soul

"Now that I've solved all my problems, I think I'm ready to create more"

'When my business turned into a lemon, I made lemonade....but that also failed when nobody liked its taste'

"Tell me more about your fear of going bald."

"My parents said that until I find a job and move out they will not recognize me as a sentient being."

DNA Analysis.

"I think I can". (train)

Thinking with the left side of the brain/Thinking with what's left of your brain.

Giving Things Up For Lent.