Financial Planning Aficionados Gifts

'If you want to learn more about our retirement plan, pick up some brochures at your local Social Security office.'

"Have you considered dying a bit earlier?"

'Actually, accounting is an exact science.'

'Good news! Our nest egg is developing into a double yoke.'

Is this your idea of a joke, Findlay...?

"I've finally found a therapist who understands options."

Kids ask repetitively: 'Is the recession over yet?'

'Why do you want a career in the bank?'

'This graph may need some explaining...'

"Did you hear that that bastard McMinney has buggered of to work for Bank of America!"

"Try not to think of them just as a 'customer' but rather as your only chance of paying your mortgage and putting food on your plate."

Born to raise interest rates.

'Would you do me the honour of becoming tax advantaged with me?'

'Now that we've moved to Hawaii, I can start trading at 3:30 a.m.--Isn't that great?'

"I tell you, I don't like the looks of it."

I've checked - it goes down to the basement.

Sure, it helps to be a blood-sucking parasite, but that's not all it takes to be a stockbroker...

'Our short-term solution is money. Our long-term solution is more money.'

'As you can clearly see in this Pie Chart...something is eating into our profit margins!'

'He'll love this cologne. It has the scent of an undervalued stock.'

Woman uses an ATM with buttons for: Grocery, Leverage Buyout, Start Up Capital, Shop Till You Drop.

Greenspanisms for sale (50c)

"I wrote a letter to the Wall Street Journal saying the term 'Bear Market' makes me look like a loser, but they didn't print it."

Lady in Card Shop sees Sympathy Cards section with 'Bear Market', 'Falling Dollar' and 'Inflation' categories.

First United Church of Outrageously Overlimited Credit Card Holders

'Today, the market did the 'Ol' Dipsy, but recovered in the 'Doodle'.'

I'll put this in a way you'll understand: you need to transfer your feelings from savings to checking.

'What if we televise government budget hearings and make them pay-per-view?'

Overdraft limit.

'Nonsense, Harry, it's my treat. I'm filing for bankruptcy tomorrow.'

"Nothing is illegal if a hundred businessmen decide to do it."

I am billing, therefore I am.

Businessman with two boxes: 'Nothing Ventured' and 'Nothing Gained'.

'We're in good shape. Nobody understands our financial statement.'

'The financial crisis is unlikely to worry me: I lay a new Golden Egg every day...'