Financial Market Follower Gifts

'Charles, I want you to meet Joel. You have lots in common. He also thinks he knows how to time the market.'

"Don't worry, I won't jump. I just came out here to smoke a big smelly cigar."

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

'Uh - oh... this looks like an unfriendly takeover!'

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

'Stocks rose on the rumor that the market is mostly rumor-driven.'

"On Wall Street today, news of lower interest rates sent the stock market up, but then the expectation that these rates would be inflationary sent the market down, until the realization that lower rates might stimulate the sluggish economy pushed the mark

"This just in... All new Euro notes are to be printed on Greece-proof paper."

'Actually, they're a hybrid. They are a blue-chip, common stock.'

'You wouldn't threaten your bank manager...er...maybe...'

Building a better America - Financing by The Bank of China.

Shares Nosedive

'U.S. stocks surged on news that the government they all hate won't go out of business.'

'Just this once, but I want a piece of the action.'

'Both were written this year by the same author.'

'Wouldn't it be easier if the banks simply merged with the Inland Revenue?'

The market went up and down, up and down, up and down...

The euro currency is a bomb.

Deposits insured by the U.S. Government (which has a $4.2 trillion debt).

The euro as a monster

Economic Prosperity

"Today, stocks dropped on news the new federal reserve chief, Janet Yellen, is a 'rookie'."

'Stocks soared on news a financial lobbyist wants 'greed' dropped as one of the cardinal sins.'

Wall Street Down

'He's known for his pessimistic prognostications on the stock market.'

Three businessmen looking up at the euro wobbling on a tree waiting for it to fall

Wall Street - Bull in China Drop

"Your Board has decided to downsize its commitment to honesty and integrity by around 35% of the fiscal year."

Financial crisis and layoffs

Illuminating agricultural production

"I'm going out to keep consumer spending in line with Wall Street expectations."

'Greenspan was back for a guest appearance. He didn't say it's gonna be a bear market. He said it's a beware market!'

'Honey, I swear, I wasn't out wallstreeting!'

Record Oil Prices