Financial Literacy Pillows

"Son, you're old enough now for The Talk: everything you need to know about compound interest."

"And we will absolutely start lending again as soon as we finish building our debtors' prison."

"So what really motivates your colleagues?"

'That concludes the list of students with outstanding grades. And now for those of you with outstanding student loan payments...'

'But Dad, all the other kids get a roth IRA as part of their allowance package.'

Before he withdrew his money, Kevin decided to check his balance...

'The secret of a contented life, my son, is to invest in true low-cost index funds.'

'What you need is liquidity.'

Loan Sharks

'Any time you need more, the money tree is here.'

'You misunderstood. Our ad says that we can help you get out of debt.'

'I already know about the birds and the bees. Tell me about investing my allowance for capital appreciation.'

This franchise is great, but what's in it for you?

Hospital services: Uninsured Care.

'I'm sorry, son, but I'm not in the bad debt business anymore.'

'I've pinpointed our problem. There's too much month left at the end of my salary!'

Inflation

'He just filed for bankruptcy online and he says now he doesn't have to pay for his lunch.'

'Is my allowance a form of income redistribution?'

"I don't get an allowance. I get earnings per share."

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

'I went through the data and found an 11.7% increase in the discretionary spending portion of our family budget, so I see no reason not to raise my allowance.'

"Insufficient funds?! What kind of bank is this?"

'Any chance of getting a financial advance on my loose tooth?'

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

'How do I know this won't go for booze?'

Investment Books - How to Break Even, for Beginners.

'I know you didn't actually transact any business, but we do have a $2.00 cover charge.'

'It's called SOCIAL security, but I don't have an extra dime to go anywhere or do anything.'

"Now don't do anything flashy with the money, like pay off all your student loans at once."

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

After income tax, pension and national insurance I end up owing £450.

'At £9,000 a year it's time to start worrying about 'owe' levels!'

"Is there someone here who is sensitive to the banking needs of women?"

Lone student with loan.