Financial Literacy Gifts

"Son, you're old enough now for The Talk: everything you need to know about compound interest."

"And we will absolutely start lending again as soon as we finish building our debtors' prison."

"So what really motivates your colleagues?"

'That concludes the list of students with outstanding grades. And now for those of you with outstanding student loan payments...'

'But Dad, all the other kids get a roth IRA as part of their allowance package.'

'The secret of a contented life, my son, is to invest in true low-cost index funds.'

'What you need is liquidity.'

Before he withdrew his money, Kevin decided to check his balance...

'You misunderstood. Our ad says that we can help you get out of debt.'

Loan Sharks

'Any time you need more, the money tree is here.'

Hospital services: Uninsured Care.

This franchise is great, but what's in it for you?

'I already know about the birds and the bees. Tell me about investing my allowance for capital appreciation.'

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

'I went through the data and found an 11.7% increase in the discretionary spending portion of our family budget, so I see no reason not to raise my allowance.'

'I'm sorry, son, but I'm not in the bad debt business anymore.'

Inflation

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

'He just filed for bankruptcy online and he says now he doesn't have to pay for his lunch.'

'Is my allowance a form of income redistribution?'

"Insufficient funds?! What kind of bank is this?"

'I've pinpointed our problem. There's too much month left at the end of my salary!'

'Any chance of getting a financial advance on my loose tooth?'

"I don't get an allowance. I get earnings per share."

"Is there someone here who is sensitive to the banking needs of women?"

"Now don't do anything flashy with the money, like pay off all your student loans at once."

'Seven. How old were you when you got your first credit card application in the mail?'

'Bill, I just don't feel comfortable with this! I'm worried that it could be one of those pyramid schemes.'

'First of all, by liquid assets, we don't mean fuel.'

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

Investment Books - How to Break Even, for Beginners.

'It's called SOCIAL security, but I don't have an extra dime to go anywhere or do anything.'

'Beatrice, we may have to postpone our retirement plans. According to this I've accidentally been playing a stock market simulation game for the past twenty years.'

After income tax, pension and national insurance I end up owing £450.